Am I Enough?

I was spending a bit of time reading blogs this morning (as I often do), and I came across one of a woman who lost twin girls at 24 weeks gestation. This woman seems to have great Faith, and I found it so inspiring to read a bit of her grief journey this morning.

One of her posts mentioned a question that rang through her head through much of her difficult journey, a question from God:

If I say NO forever, am I enough for you?

That is a scary question. One of my greatest fears, is that the next time around, when I do eventually become pregnant again, God is going to say NO again. And would He be enough? This grief is the most difficult grief I can imagine - I can NOT imagine going through this for a second time. The naive side of me thinks, "He would never take another child from me - He knows I couldn't handle that" - but that's what I would have said about Michael & Gabriel too when I was pregnant with them.

This is when Faith & Trust come in. He only presents us with what He will take us through, right?

I'm realizing today that I haven't spent much time in prayer. I haven't spent much time praying for anything other than myself, my husband, and my babies. I'm finding it difficult to consider anything else as much in need of prayer as us; and I feel guilty for that quite often.

Aside from simply praying for anyone or anything else, I think I need to get working on my relationship with God again. I need to realize that yes, He is mourning the loss of our sons too - and that He is with us in this grief, and wants to be a comfort to us in this grief. I suppose I realize all of this, but I don't understand it. Because why would God take our sons from us when He knows how badly it hurts? He is the one in control of all things, so why didn't he let us keep our sons? I know, that's a question that will always be with me, and I may never have an answer to that.

This is when Faith & Trust come in.

(I apologize, this feels like it was a scatter-brained post)