21 Weeks, 6 Days

Wow, so I completely failed at doing 30 posts in 30 days. Life has been busy - to say the least. So here's an update - maybe I'll get to the rest of those 30 posts eventually.

Here I am at 21 Weeks and 6 Days - 22 Weeks tomorrow! Healthwise, all is well. I saw the midwife yesterday, where we went over the ultrasound results, and everything looks great. She says Baby and I are growing beautifully & everything is where it should be, in terms of "cervical length" (too much information? I apologize). In fact, it's well above normal at this point... phew! My midwives have been incredible, and are so willing to do whatever they can to help keep my mind at ease as we get closer to that 23 week mark, which is the point where we lost the twins. Not too long now, and we'll be past that scary week - I think getting past that will be a huge milestone, and I'm hoping it helps ease my mind a lot.

The fears come and go - I have to say, I'm not at stressed as I expected I would be at this point in the pregnancy.. I guess I just have to trust that it's going to work out this time, or at least, convince myself that I can trust in that.

This baby has been moving like crazy! I've noticed so much movement especially in the last week or so. It's so exciting to feel that again, I just love it! I feel like I can just rest in knowing our baby is doing well in there - and just enjoy every moment that I feel kicking & wiggling. I'm doing my very best to just simply enjoy it, and not compare to last time around.

Here's another exciting tidbit about our lives! We have officially bought a house! I haven't been too quick to "advertise", because we've been disappointed a few too many times, when we thought we were buying a house. But we're 4 days away from the possession date, the papers have been signed - I don't think anything can stop us now! The house is 107 years old, and has been renovated & kept up very well - everything major (well, except for the old windows) has been addressed - new furnace, foundation has been inspected & is in good shape, roofing is new. We are SO excited to have found this place, and cannot wait to get in there!

Needless to say, our minds & lives have been occupied - moving is a lot of work! But boy, we feel blessed. There have been so many indications that God is just working this one out. He is amazing.

D.

Day Four & Day Five combined!

Oopsie... so I'm not keeping up. I'm home at my parents' place for Thanksgiving until Thursday, so this may happen again before then!



Day Four *Favourite book - has it changed since our loss?*

My current favourite book... I really don't read much, and I certainly don't have a book that I read over & over. Currently I am hooked on my "Your Pregnancy, Week by Week" book! It's interesting, I would answer this question a bit differently than you would think. The actual book hasn't changed since our loss, but the way that I read this particular book has sure changed since our loss. Every time the book tells me how big our baby is, and what is developing in our baby, I can't help but think, "we've been here before" ... and compare the size of this baby to the size that the twins were when they were born. It's a bittersweet experience following the growth of this baby, and I don't think it will be truly sweet until we get past the 1 pound stage.



Day Five *Favourite quote*



My favourite quote is pretty timeless - I would have listed this as one of my favourite quotes before our loss, and it's definitely still up there. I'm sure it always will be.



Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4

D.

Day Three

*tv show that helped me get through the loss, or that moves me*

For a very long time after we lost the twins, I could not watch this show, but have recently started watching it again. A Baby Story. I can hardly get through an episode without crying & imagining the joy I will feel when I'm handed my slimy crying baby! I can't wait.

D.

Day Two

*a movie that jumps out at me after our loss*

The only movie that reminds me of our loss, or jumps out at me after our loss, is Cool Runnings. Very random, I know. The reason, is because my family was here after we lost the twins, which was also around the time of the Winter Olympics. We got talking about the Olympics when they were in Calgary, and then got talking about the fact that a lot of the movie Cool Runnings was taped here in Calgary. The night before my family left to go back home, we all watched Cool Runnings together. I remember feeling a bit guilty enjoying myself, and laughing at the movie, but it was a good break from all of the sadness.

D.

Thirty posts in thirty days: Day One

Day One: A song that reminds you of your child(ren), or one that you can't listen to anymore and why.

It's difficult to name just one song that reminds me of Michael & Gabriel in the strongest way, but the first song that pops into my head when asked this question is, "When it's all been said and done" By Robin Mark. We played this song at the end of the funeral, and it really puts life, and Faith into perspective. I haven't listened to it in quite some time, but when I listened to it today, it gave me an overwhelming sense of God, and what's important.

"... I will always sing your praise, here on earth & ever after..."

D.

Thirty posts in thirty days: Day One

October is Pregnancy Loss & Awareness Month, so some other Baby-Loss moms have been posting this list; just another way to remember our babies. I think it was supposed to have started at the beginning of October, but I just came across it today, so I'll start now.

Here's the list, so you can keep up:
Still Life with Circles: Thirty Posts in Thirty Days

Day 1 - a song that reminds you of your child, or one that you can't listen to anymore and why.
Day 2 - a movie that helped you get through the hard times, or one that jumps out at you after your loss
Day 3 - a television program that helped you either get through hard times or that moves you
Day 4 - your favourite book. Has it changed since your loss?
Day 5 - your favourite quote.
Day 6 - twenty things that calm you.
Day 7 - a photo that makes you happy.
Day 8 - a photo that makes you angry/sad.
Day 9 - a photo you took since your loss.
Day 10 - a photo taken over 10 years ago of you and how it makes you feel seeing it now.
Day 11 - a photo of you recently and how it makes you feel seeing it now.
Day 12 - something you are OCD about.
Day 13 - a fictional book that is meaningful to you since your loss.
Day 14 - a non-fictional book that is meaningful to you since your loss.
Day 15 - what you like about your house.
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (drawing, sculpture, painting, etc) that moves you
Day 18 - my wedding/future wedding/past wedding
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours and how it changed since your loss
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website that has been meaningful since your loss
Day 23 - a youtube video that makes you laugh
Day 24 - where you live
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - your worst habit since your child's death
Day 28 - what's in your handbag/purse
Day 29 - hopes, dreams, and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 - a dream for the future